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5 Superheroes of the Bible

admin — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 13:02:21 +0000

I got into a superhero kick after watching the original Superman on TV. Here are the 5 best superhero comparisons of Biblical heroes.

5. David (a.k.a. Batman)

Just like Batman, David didn’t really have any supernatural ability. He was however quite resourceful and good at winning fights that he seemingly had no chance to win. He admitted to killing lions and bears in order to protect his sheep. Right afterwards he went and killed the 9-foot giant known as Goliath with his utility belt (or sling). He also lurked in the shadows like the Caped Crusader. When Saul went to relieve himself in the cave where David was hiding, David crept up behind him and cut off a corner of his robe, though he confessed he could have killed Saul.

See: 1 Samuel 17 and 24

4. Elijah (a.k.a. The Flash)

Elijah’s incredible speed allowed him to outrun a chariot over a distance of about 13 miles. Of course he did possess a few powers that the Flash lacks, such as the time when he called down fire to consume 51 men who came to capture him. Of course, they sent another 50 after that to try again and they fell to the same fate.

See: 1 Kings 18:44-46 and 2 Kings 1

3. Moses (a.k.a. Captain Planet)

Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart! Moses used all of those as he led the Israelites out of captivity. Moses’ superpower, like Captain Planet, allowed him to control nature. It started with the plagues of blood, frogs, lice, flies, livestock disease, boils, hail mixed with fire, locusts, darkness and death. He controlled the wind and water when he split the Red Sea and later caused water to stream out of a rock by hitting it. And though I always thought the Planeteer with the Heart ring got screwed, Moses found a way to use heart during the battle with the Amalekites. He stood on a hill watching the battle and whenever he held his arms up the Israelites would begin winning the fight.

See: Book of Exodus

2. Josheb-basshebeth, Eleazar and Shammah
(a.k.a The Fantastic Four)

I know there are only three guys not four (just leave out the Invisible Woman), but David actually had 30 “mighty men”. However as the author makes it known multiple times, none of the thirty attained to these three. Josheb-basshebeth, the captain of the three, used his spear to kill 800 men at one time. Eleazar found himself facing the hated Philistines alone, but he fought them until he was exhausted and when the rest of his army came to help him, they found Eleazar had already slain them all. Shammah stood his ground against an army when his own fled. As it turned out, the rest of his army was unnecessary. Once King David said he would love a drink from the well of Bethlehem, which at the time happened to be at the base camp for the Philistines. So the three men together broke into their garrison and drew him some water from the well while fighting off the Philistines.

See: 2 Samuel 23

1. Samson (a.k.a Superman)

Samson is the ultimate superhero of the Bible, just like Superman is the number one superhero of all time. Remember the time he killed a lion with his bare hands or the time he killed 30 men who threatened his wife. How about when he killed 1000 men with the jawbone of a donkey? My favorite is when the men are waiting by the city gates to kill him, so Samson goes and rips the gates off their hinges and carries them to the top of a hill. Just like Superman though, Samson had one weakness. Hair was Samson’s Kryptonite. But after Delilah shaves his head and he is captured, they forget that hair tends to regrow and in his last show of strength he pushes out on two pillars that hold up the building where he is being judged. The building collapses killing all 3000 of those who came to watch him die.

See: Judges 13-16

God’s Chosen People?

admin — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 12:00:41 +0000

In Genesis 12:2-3 God gives a blessing to Abraham and his descendants, whom we now know as the Jews. He promises to make them a great nation, to bless them and to make them a blessing to all the families of the earth. My question to you is, has that promised been carried out? Consider what the Jewish nation has done even though they make up less than 1/4 of 1% of the world’s population.

160 of 768 Nobel Prize Winners (that’s 21%) are Jewish

12 of Time Magazine’s Top 20 People of the 20th Century are Jewish

Time’s Person of the Century was Albert Einstein (He’s Jewish)

Several have tried (and failed) to wipe out the Jews, such as Nazi Germany, Haman of Persia and Pharoah of Egypt

Most years about 30% of Harvard students are Jewish

23 of 1000 Ashkenazi Jews have an IQ over 140, compared to 4 of 1000 northern Europeans

50% of the World Chess Champions are Jewish

60% of top Hollywood positions are occupied by Jews

40% of top lawyers in New York City and Washington D.C. are Jewish

Several empires (Assyria, Babylon, Rome) have ruled, exiled and dispersed the Jews from their homeland, yet they returned

23% of the wealthiest in America and Canada are Jewish

A Very Small List of Famous Jews: Steven Spielberg, Harry Houdini, Sigmund Freud, Karl Marx, Levi Strauss, Henry Kissinger, Groucho Marx, Alan Greenspan, Jerry Seinfeld, Anne Frank

A Small List of Inventions Credited to Jews: Remote Control, LASIK eye surgery, Hepatitis B vaccine, flexible drinking straw, holograms, bubonic plague vaccine, Uzi sub-machine gun, shopping cart, vinyl record, cholera vaccine, Polaroid camera, blue jeans

Some of these facts are estimates or subject to change, but I think you get my point.

5 Old Testament Anecdotes

admin — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 12:00:06 +0000

In Daniel 11:30, there is a prophecy about the ships of Kittim coming during the battle to end it all known as Armageddon. Some people are under the impression that this verse is a reference to the United States involvement in the end of the world because in many translations it is read “ships from the west.” Historians, on the other hand, usually see Kittim referencing the island of Cyprus or other Meditteranean coastal areas. You can read about the actual person Kittim, who was Noah’s great-grandson, in Genesis 10:1-5.
In Genesis 12:1-3 God makes what is commonly known today as the Abrahamic covenant. In it He promises to give land, offspring and blessing to Abram and his descendants. The problem is trivial, but look at Genesis 17:5. Only here does God change Abram to Abraham, many years after making this covenant. So should the ever-popular Abrahamic covenant actually be named the Abramic covenant?

Create in me a clean heart O God…And renew a right spirit within me. Many of you have probably sung that song at some point and can find its words almost directly pulled from Psalm 51:10-12. There are quite a few churches who have decided that it would be better to not sing this psalm since it is widely regarded as theologically incorrect. The idea of the Holy Spirit leaving you was a very real idea in the Old Testament (see 1 Samuel 16:13-14). In the post-Pentecost era, we know that the Holy Spirit dwells in believers from Romans 8:9 and are assured of the security of our salvation in John 10:28-29. So this part of the song, though not applicable to us, was applicable at the time it was written.
Speaking of abandonment by God, have you ever had someone comfort you in a tough time by quoting Joshua 1:5, but maybe you just didn’t really ask for their advice? Well the next time you get “God will never leave you or forsake you,” point them to 2 Chronicles 32:31 about Hezekiah, where in the NKJV it says “God withdrew from him.
Throw this one out to impress your friends this week. The longest word in the English Bible is a name found in Isaiah 8:1. Maher-shalal-hashbaz is 13 letters and can also be found in Isaiah 8:3.

Ten Wild and Crazy Deaths

admin — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 12:00:27 +0000

10. A Certain Man – 1 Kings 20:36

Then he said to him, “Because you have not obeyed the voice of the Lord, behold, as soon as you have gone from me, a lion shall strike you down.” And as soon as he had departed from him, a lion met him and struck him down.

Comments: At least he was warned, but how do you prepare for a lion attack?

9. Sisera – Judges 4:20-22

And he said to her, “Stand at the opening of the tent, and if any man comes and asks you, ‘Is anyone here?’ say, ‘No.’” But Jael the wife of Heber took a tent peg, and took a hammer in her hand. Then she went softly to him and drove the peg into his temple until it went down into the ground while he was lying fast asleep from weariness. So he died. And behold, as Barak was pursuing Sisera, Jael went out to meet him and said to him, “Come, and I will show you the man whom you are seeking.” So he went in to her tent, and there lay Sisera dead, with the tent peg in his temple.

Comments: I love that it says “So he died”. As if the old tent peg to the head has a high survival rate.

8. Jehoram – 2 Chronicles 21:18-19

And after all this the Lord struck him in his bowels with an incurable disease. In course of time, at the end of two years, his bowels came out because of the disease, and he died in great agony. His people made no fire in his honor, like the fires made for his fathers.

Comments: He had two years to repent. Talk about stubborn.

7. Jezebel – 2 Kings 9:33-35

He said, “Throw her down.” So they threw her down. And some of her blood spattered on the wall and on the horses, and they trampled on her. Then he went in and ate and drank. And he said, “See now to this cursed woman and bury her, for she is a king’s daughter.” But when they went to bury her, they found no more of her than the skull and the feet and the palms of her hands.

Comments: This is just morbid. No comments.

6. Uzzah – 2 Samuel 6:6-8

And when they came to the threshing floor of Nacon, Uzzah put out his hand to the ark of God and took hold of it, for the oxen stumbled. And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Uzzah, and God struck him down there because of his error, and he died there beside the ark of God.

Comments: Had he seen Raiders of the Lost Ark, he would have known this was coming.

5. Israelite and Midianite Woman – Numbers 25:7-8

When Phinehas the son of Eleazar, son of Aaron the priest, saw it, he rose and left the congregation and took a spear in his hand and went after the man of Israel into the chamber and pierced both of them, the man of Israel and the woman through her belly. Thus the plague on the people of Israel was stopped.

Comments: This is bad cause it seems that they were in the act of…you know. Also I hope my continued existence never causes a plague.

4. Abimilech – Judges 9:53-54

And a certain woman threw an upper millstone on Abimelech’s head and crushed his skull. Then he called quickly to the young man his armor-bearer and said to him, “Draw your sword and kill me, lest they say of me, ‘A woman killed him.’” And his young man thrust him through, and he died.

Comments: Unless it was one of those female American Gladiators.

3. Concubine – Judges 19:25-29

But the men would not listen to him. So the man seized his concubine and made her go out to them. And they knew her and abused her all night until the morning. And as the dawn began to break, they let her go. And as morning appeared, the woman came and fell down at the door of the man’s house where her master was, until it was light. And her master rose up in the morning, and when he opened the doors of the house and went out to go on his way, behold, there was his concubine lying at the door of the house, with her hands on the threshold. He said to her, “Get up, let us be going.” But there was no answer. Then he put her on the donkey, and the man rose up and went away to his home. And when he entered his house, he took a knife, and taking hold of his concubine he divided her, limb by limb, into twelve pieces, and sent her throughout all the territory of Israel.

Comments: When a person is insane as you clearly are, do you know that your insane?

2. Abel – Genesis 4:8

Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him.

Comments: Not that bizarre, but no one wants to be the very first.

1. Jesus – Matthew 27:50-54

And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit. And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. The tombs also were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised, and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many. When the centurion and those who were with him, keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and what took place, they were filled with awe and said, “Truly this was the Son of God!”

Comments: Not the brutality of the crucifixion, but the idea that the Trinity was separated for the first and only time ever.

Also read Top 5 Superheroes from the Bible

Ten Verses Never Preached On

admin — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:00:06 +0000

10. 2 Kings 2:23-24 NKJV

Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

Comments: George Costanza envokes the wrath of God.

9. Mark 14:51-52 NASB

A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.

Comments: Possibly the first streaker in history.

8. Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV

No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

Comments: We can’t just be letting anyone in. We have to draw the line somewhere.

7. Genesis 38:8-10 NASB

Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.

Comments: Not only do you have to carry the body out, but you have to mop the floor too.

6. 1 Samuel 18:25-27 ESV

Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.

Comments: How do you present a gift like that? Do you tie a bow on the box?

5. Exodus 4:24-25 NASB

Now it came about at the lodging place on the way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin and threw it at Moses’ feet, and she said, “You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.”

Comments: I imagine the son was screaming in pain and Moses just kinda stared at it in disgust.

4. Ezekiel 16:17 NIV

You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.

Comments: What did she do with her gold and silver idols?

3. Ezekiel 23:19-20 NET

Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.

Comments: Can’t wait to hear this taught from a pulpit.

2. Judges 3:19-25 ESV

And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out.

Comments: Apparently the sword pierced all the way through and something unexpected came out the other side. The author felt this was a necessary detail to include.

1. Deuteronomy 25:11-12 NASB

If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.

Comments: My question is why would she do this and were there any repeat offenders?