Ten Verses Never Preached On
Written Dec 5th, 2006 by Josh Rives | Email This
10. 2 Kings 2:23-24 NKJV
Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
Comments: George Costanza envokes the wrath of God.
9. Mark 14:51-52 NASB
A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.
Comments: Possibly the first streaker in history.
8. Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV
No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
Comments: We can’t just be letting anyone in. We have to draw the line somewhere.
7. Genesis 38:8-10 NASB
Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.
Comments: Not only do you have to carry the body out, but you have to mop the floor too.
6. 1 Samuel 18:25-27 ESV
Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.
Comments: How do you present a gift like that? Do you tie a bow on the box?
5. Exodus 4:24-25 NASB
Now it came about at the lodging place on the way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin and threw it at Moses’ feet, and she said, “You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.”
Comments: I imagine the son was screaming in pain and Moses just kinda stared at it in disgust.
4. Ezekiel 16:17 NIV
You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.
Comments: What did she do with her gold and silver idols?
3. Ezekiel 23:19-20 NET
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
Comments: Can’t wait to hear this taught from a pulpit.
2. Judges 3:19-25 ESV
And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out.
Comments: Apparently the sword pierced all the way through and something unexpected came out the other side. The author felt this was a necessary detail to include.
1. Deuteronomy 25:11-12 NASB
If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.
Comments: My question is why would she do this and were there any repeat offenders?
[...] 10 Bible verses never preached on. [...]
Rite what the Bible is is random words added to each other constently to make something that dull and boring that 70% of the world give in and believe because its easier than actually reading the bible itself. Ive also noticed that there is a random number added at the end of like evry fifth sentece what the hell is rong with the world its a load of crap!
have you ever tried reading the bible? try reading the new testiment, and there are many things that are not boring. if you have ever read psalms or proverbs you will know that they both talk about everyday things and how to overcome them, i know this personaly because if i have a problem i pary to God and ask him to answer me or comfort me through his word and then i just start reading through a random chapter and i always find a verse that applys to what im going through, you should try it but in order for it to work you would really need to trust that God will help you and answer your questions.
i will pray for you:)
Dont waste your time praying for me. Open your brain and let the truth come in and and please don’t try to teach your phony crap to others who are to stupid to know any better. All the Christians in the United States were praying for one thing and it did not happen. Your excuse. God did not want it to happen. Does
God control the weather or not? If he does, why does he continue to kill all the children and babies. I don’t even wan’t to hear your stupid excuse for this one. If this is your God then I pray I go to hell because I want no part lof anyone like him.
First of all, Ditto on the “learn to spell” comment from Jonna. Jeez, how in the world did you ever get past the fifth grade? Is it just your ignorant way of writing or are you confused? You start your comment with “Dont waste your time praying for me” then end the comment (with reference to God as your sentence subject matter I might add) that “I pray I go to hell because I want no part lof anyone like him.” So Carl, who exactly are you praying to? That must be an awful feeling having to pray to someone that you obviously have no belief in - like a defenseless child being led to the slaughter by a parent they should be able to depend on and trust in. Is there really anyone out there that could be that evil? When not writing nasty comments what do you do? Do you spend your day pissing on flowers?
WELL SAID!!! THANK YOU FOR TELLING HIM LIKE IT IS!! I HAVE HEARD IT SAID THAT IF YOU DONT STAND FOR SOMETHING, YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING!!
Yer. That’s Godsquad’s logo. If u dont know who they are, they go around Queensland and WA (in Australia) talking to schools about problems in life. They came to my school a couple months ago.
Okay, i’m 16 years old and I have accepted jesus to be my lord and savior. To the person talking about why jesus lets children and babies die, and why he doesn’t intervene to save them. 1st, maybe he believes they should come to heaven early because it’ll be better for them, seeing how heaven is the best place you could ever be. 2nd, The world has been telling God to get out of our schools, out of our daily practices, telling God to get out of the media. Hating people for loving God. We have pushed God out of our lives soo much, that maybe he just doesn’t see what he can do anymore with all the disbelief, so he stays quite in the hope that we see the light. I forget where but in the new testament it talks about the path God pre-sets out that we all end up following, if that path has us die early in our lives then so be it, God obviously see’s we’ll be better off that way.
I suppose now i’m just rambling on, but I just want you to see that the bible has every answer you need, God knew you would need the answer so just go look for the answers you seek by yourself. 2nd Timothy 2:23 or something, it says that we shouldn’t have foolish arguments that end of with people just getting mad, but if its to try and convert someone or you believe someone is teaching the wrong way, then you have a duty to step in and make it right. So have fun with your life and i hope you convert to the right path, I’ll pray for you.
-Mini
Rubbish, and the new testament is just as stupid as the old
Dude, learn how to spell before you make these public statements. This is embarrasing to me! Who cares what the subject is, just learn how to spell.
whats the matter Jonna, are you afraid that Jesus freak’s mother isn’t doing her job well enough or something?
… as long as you understand what they are trying to say, what difference does it make how to spell it. phonetics work both ways.
By the way… you did not use the word “dude” correctly, according to mirriam webster dictionary.
In fact, YOU qualify more as a “dude” than the person you called a dude.
sew ewe khan keiss mai (unt heis) ass.
.. ive never seen anything more judgemental.
judge not, lest ye be judged yourselves.
signed,
Mirriam
In accusing someone else of being judgmental, are we not, ourselves, being judgmental?
“Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”
Depends… if make the claim because we felt judged upon, then no. Namely, then we comment on our experience, hence are not judgmental. It’s the difference between a thin person and a fat person saying being fat stinks.
ok.. first of all the word “dude” means someone who is overdressed for an activity or doesnt know the “way” of the part of the world they are in (ie dude ranch)
second.. who cares how they spell as long as you understand what they meant, right?
second.. you said “these statements”… i can only find one statement (1) in this listing.
third.
ewe unt yer dikshun khan kyst mai ass.
judge not lest ye be judged (paraphrased for your convenience.
by the way.
antidisestablishmentarianism
anticonstitutionalism
anticoagulatorialis
eet mhore vegetaibels
Was it really necessary to do all that research, Hypo? pathetic.
THE PROBLEM IS YOU HAVE NOT BEEN “BORNE AGAIN” If you do not understand it is because no Spirit of God in you.
“But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned” 1 Corinthians 2:14
Cheers Ehud
Whoa man, do you honestly believe what you just said. I mean seriously, i have to be ‘reborn’ what the hell does that mean. God F***ed it up the first time so he has to try again. You think being almighty would allow him to fix that.
If God is almighty, can he microwave a burrito so hot that he can’t eat it.
I love that saying. It logically disproves the “almighty claim”.
What did God mess up? God is almighty and perfect. He made us in his own image. He even said himself, “It is good.” when he created us. He set us apart from his angels when he gave us free will. If not for free will we would be robots and not be able to choose anything ourselves. What kind of god would control us like that?
Free will lets us choose between God and hell. When you choose God, then you are “born again,” symbolizing being accepted into His family, making a commitment to try your best to turn from sinful ways, and receiving a get out of hell free ticket. All you have to do is ask. God is constantly knocking at your door, waiting to fix your life and anyone else’s who will just let Him in.
btw, if God is almighty, he wouldn’t be seeing how hot he can microwave a burrito.
God bless
you right he said “it is good”. if god is so almighty and perfect shouldnt he have said “it is perfect” or at least “it is great”.
In the Hebrew, the writing wouldn’t have included “perfect” or “great.” The story of creation was written during the time of the Jewish exile in Babylonia. It was more of an uplifting story (along with Noah and the Tower of Babel) to let the Jews know that YaHWeH had created them, and no matter how bad things got, he would not abandon them.
People (especially most Christians) don’t know where their Bible came from. The Bible wasn’t written to be taken literally (see: Young Earth Creationists), but instead studied alongside the history of the time. The Old Testament is a history book. Look up when each was written, whom it was written to, and the circumstances surrounding the people of Israel at the time.
The New Testament is the only section of the bible meant to be taken “literally,” in that a majority of the books are simply letters written to various new churches (outside of the four Gospels and Acts).
The only way anyone can find out about what Christianity is really about is if as Christians, we stop this bickering and saying “We’re right, you are wrong.” Instead, share your beliefs. I urge those who attack Christianity to inquire about it first instead of making judgments and saying “Its a load of crap because every word isn’t perfectly scientifically backed up.”
Gandhi once said, “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians, because they are nothing like your Christ.” Lets live like our Christ.
It is interesting that a guy who cannot write correct english grammmar has so much to say about the Bible!
People are not perfect. English grammar isn’t graceful for everyone. As long as the communication exists, it is all that matters here. It is absolutely imperative that you stick to discussion and try not to take away credibility of someone based on their grammar, dialect, etc.
And to go in further about discussing the Bible. God’s imperfect people are not perfect, but gives grace in different areas according to our natural ability’s that he has given everyone. I believe that everyone in this blog will come around, Christian or non, to Christ and ask for his forgiveness. He SAVES!!!
I have faith, no doubt at all, that all of you will be SAVED according to his plan and not my own. The Naysayers will never win. All of you will be in my prayers, Amen
-Todd Thielen
If you cannot accept God’s Kingdom through the simplicity of a child, you will never get in…
that little number is the verse number so you can easily jump to passages
ALL RIGHT! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! The fruit of the spirit is love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfullness and self control. These Christians writing here, guys I urge you, please check these things in your life. do you know that the bible speaks about even using crude (not down right evil and filthy) words? get controll of yourselves. And to those who are not Christians. Guys I am so sorry for how these others have been treating you, no wonder you are not convinced! We can not expect you to act and talk like christians because you are not. Please except my apol. on their behalf… in the same breath i would like to say that Jesus Christ (not the one in the paintings and books, the one from the bible and from my heart) is worth putting your faith in, if you decide to put it in anything, and i pray that you will… wait… i’ve prayed that you will! Cheers
holy fuck the bible SUCKS! You have to be a psycho to listen to believe it!
How about Malachi 2:3?
“Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces…” (KJV)
Yes, that’s the LORD talking. Watch out.
Michael, that’s a great one. I didn’t know about that. The best part is that its not only on your face, but on your kids’ faces too. Wow.
That’s great — #3 is definitely my favourite.
Top Ten Most BIZARRE and Funny Verses in the Bible…
[link] [more]…
How could you forget about:
“They asked, “What is the indemnity that we should pay to Him?” They answered, “Five golden hemorrhoids and five golden mice, corresponding to the number of lords of the Philistines; for the same plague struck all of you and your lords. You shall make figures of your hemorrhoids and of the mice that are ravaging your land; thus you shall honor the God of Israel, and perhaps He will lighten the weight of His hand upon you and your gods and your land.” [I Samuel 6:4-5]
thank you for this.
I am a Pastor and have been for over 20 years and I must say I loved the list. There are wierd and strange stories in the Bible and sadly most Christians have never heard of these stories.
The Bible can be very graphic at times. While I enjoyed the list i was sad by many of the responses. Christians getting very preachy and Athiests very angry and fixated on the Bible.
I have never tried to bully someone into believing what i do and I have the deepest respect for the religions of the world. I do share my faith but the person is free to listen or not, free to accept or not and I will listen to them share their faith.
As i read the comments my observation was that many of the Athiests and Christians were acting in simular ways. As a follower of Jesus I will share the love of God and try to live it out. I will leave judging to God who is much better qualified than I.
I wish you all blessings and thank you for the list
You know, I think if more pastors were like that christianity wouldn’t get all the bad press that it does
blessed be
It’s too bad you don’t know that most ministers, pastors ARE like that. Forget the press; and go to a church - any chuch - each week for several weeks and you will learn this. Christianity does get “bad press” from several Tel-evangelists who seem to be in the “business” so they can take advantage of sincere believers and become millionaires.
Actually, you can’t blame Christians for getting “preachy” sometimes. I believe it is difficult not to when every time a non-believer speaks out, it is in anger and hate! Why are they so angry and hateful? Believers aren’t trying to trick anybody, or lie about anything. We believe because we have experienced and continue to experience God’s love, His blessings and how they have changed our lives. We can tell you that you have to start with faith! If you don’t want to believe, fine; but don’t hate us because we reap the benefits of faith.
See my comment to Carl Weast.
Would you please tell this to all people persecuted, expelled and what ever “believers” do to non believers since a long time ago? Since when it was “fine” not to believe? Check the history a bit and check what Pope was saying lately. It was never fine not to believe.
Hear hear, Pastor “scarlet”.
Interesting choice for alias, by the way
John
I am a former minister. I’m 71 years old and ministered for 40 years. I am ashamed for what I did those 40 years. I brought many people over the bridge to Christ and they are still practicing Christianity. I only wish I had a way to convince them that I was wrong and sorry for ruining their life. A person has to study the bible for a long time to realize that it is a fairy tale. Jesus taught us that all prayers would be answered. He did not say God would think about them and decide what’s best, he said ask for anything and god will deliver. Ask that a mountain be moved to the ocean and god will do it if you pray for it to happen. I have a list of 145 contridictions in the bible and I got tired of trying to explain them. If just one of them is wrong that’s too many mistakes. Wise up, if god did the things it says he did in the bible then he can not be a caring god and you know it but wont preach it as I did not. I have never heard of a person on earth as vicious as god was. He should pay us a visit if he really cared. One short visit could solve all the problems. I would never torture a human without first doing all I could to convince he or she was wrong. Yet were suppose to take the word of the bible which I just explained is full of errors. Give me a break.
Carl, you don’t have to worry one bit for those people you brought to Christ. You certainly don’t have to be sorry because their souls will be saved. And, if you get back to the “straight and narrow”, God will reward you for those souls. It is your soul that you should be concerned about now. The only “fairy-tale” connected with the Bible is that God/Jesus exist to do OUR bidding!! Jesus did say all prayers would be answered. But, He didn’t promise they would all be answered just the way we want or expect. Also, Have we given our entire lives to Him? Do we live for Him every day? Do we show Him we have tremendous faith? Or do we just make our demands because we know He answers prayer. Oh, and isn’t it interesting how many ways people can “interpret” Bible passages to suit their own needs. It sounds like you have lost your faith. You see, you spent all those years trying to understand every little detail and make the pieces fit into a nice big personalized puzzle - and you couldn’t do it. I heard a minister, just tonight, say that “if you think you should be able to understand everything written in the Bible, then YOUR God is much, much smaller than mine!” What about all the Bible scholars over the centuries who thought they could predict Christ’s second coming?? Didn’t happen, did it? Because God said that no man would know the time or place!
Don’t worry about trying to explain what you think are contradictions (other ministers may not think they are). Most people believe that as the Word of God, the Bible does not have mistakes or errors. It is WE who fall short.
As far as what kind of God He is - The entire Bible, especially the New Testament repeatedly tells us that we cannot even imagine God’s love for us. Don’t judge others; don’t judge GOD!!
THE ONE THING THAT TRIPS-UP BELIEVERS AS WELL AS NONBELIEVERS
According to the New Testament (many verses) ALL have sinned - we are all sinners; we always will be and are saved by God’s grace; believers are no better than nonbelievers; we will ALL be judged by God; we are not to judge others; JESUS said the greatest commandment is to believe in the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind. The second is to love thy neighbor as thy self!!
Why would you tell such a lie? You were never a Minister. You posted on atheist.com that you just recently purchased an online certificate showing you are an ordained Minister. You also stated that you could have ordered a diploma showing you have a masters degree for a few more bucks but “would never hang something like that on my wall.” You don’t have to be a Christian to be an honest man!! Have you lied your entire life to try to prove you are something you are not?? If you can’t make an HONEST point, you don”t have one.
I think God did pay us a visit. When he walked on the Earth as a man, his name was Jesus. At least, that’s what they teach in seminary. Don’t you remember that part Rev. Weast?
The human mind is a powerful thing. If you put your faith in “God,” who is to say that beliveing in him doesn’t cause him to exist. And if you choose to believe in “not God” will that cause him to cease to exist?
The two most extreme religious standpoints are zealots who believe in a god and atheists who believe in no god. In fact, some of the most closed minded zealots of all are the atheists who insist that god cannot exist. How can they be so sure? What if God just wants to sit up there and observe how we deal with life’s problems? I think complaining about them will not impress him very much. Whether God exists or not is really immaterial when considering how you should live your life. The bible is full of all kinds of fanciful stories, but most of all, it tells us how to live a good and happy life. Why can’t we all just do that and stop fighting about who is right and who is wrong?
I have also read and studied the bible extensively and have arrived at the same conclusion. At least you realized and at least you are sorry. I watched my mother die hanging on pathetically to that belief system, wondering what she had done that God wasn’t answering her prayers - for healing, for her family, and so forth. It was so sad. The saddest thing I believe is that all those years are wasted in aligning oneself with a primitive, irrational belief system which makes them crazy because they are always trying to come up with excuses for why God doesn’t answer their prayers!
I’m sorry, but I disagree. I’ve realised that the Bible was not written by God, but by man, and even if there are contradictions, one of the basic things that everyone who wrote books from the Bible agreed on was that man is not perfect.
I’m very sorry about your mother however. But maybe, just maybe, the idea that there was something else waiting for her was a comfort.
There are reasons why God doesn’t answer SOME prayers.
I asked (well more like begged) God to cure my aunt of Cancer.
And then I begged for time to say goodbye.
I got the time to say goodbye.
And maybe I’m crazy, but knowing that there was someone there that cared about what was happening, and wouldn’t laugh at me, that was comforting.
So basically I’d rather die, having lived my life believing in God, to find out he isn’t real, than to have lived my life not believing in God, to find out that he is real.
Coz that would SUCK.
I have to say, I really liked your comments. God is a prayer answering God, and I am sincerely sorry for anyone who says otherwise. He loves us all, and I personally have found a life given to Christ is the best life of all. I pray that all of you who do not know Him in a personal way, will seek Him and allow Him to be everything to you that He is to me. I agree with your comment about it being better to live for Him and find out He isnt real, than to not live for Him and find out He is real. He is real, I know, because He has been my best friend, always there when I have needed Him.
Whether or not you believe, disbelieve, hate, love, whatever, just remember that most religions, such as Christianity inspire people to do good. I admit, my family are very religious and I am not, but it is because of what they believe, and how they raised me, that I am not a complete dick to other people. I would probably have not been able to pity or care for others. If they had no God, or no reason to do good, then they might never have treated me well, and in turn, I might not have been the kind person I am now. Just remember, that not all people must be directly affected by religions to be affected at all.
P.S. I am sorry if my grammer/writing is for shit, but I hope it won’t matter, so long as you get my point. And if there is anything I might have said or done wrong, and you have the insatiable urge to correct me, plz, do it in a kind and constructive manner.
Your not living God’s Word, Your Skepticial of the Lord and you were a Minister???
God wants to come back, you can trust him.
`You are definitely in my prayers. If what you have written is true(and that is questionable), you need everyones prayers. To have spent 40 yrs of your life teaching people something you didnt believe in yourself is awful. I really feel a lot of compassion for you.
Carl Weast, prayer is not a matter of changing things externally, but one of working miracles in a persons inner-nature. Prayer changes US, and then Christ through us can change things. Christianity isn’t about God answering every one of our commands we pray for, because what we think would be best for us could not be. So if you’re praying for a 200,000 dollar car and don’t get it I wouldn’t shake my fists at God. His will is perfect and he is soveriegn over EVERYTHING. He doesn’t answer all prayers because he’s protecting us, but this does not mean that he doesn’t LISTEN to all prayers. It’s not about believing in him to get all of our hearts desires, because the desires of our heart before Christ are wordly, they spring from jealousy envy and lust. Prayer is to change our desires to everything that will glorify God and to become selfless and love the world like Christ had loved the world. These verses were all taken out of text and are in the Old Testament where there were different laws for Jews. I mean I know those who want to mock Christianity are going to regardless of anything anybody posts, but that irked me about what you said on prayer because it is completely wrong. Christianity is God’s marriage proposal to the soul, and it’s not about crazy religious fanatic traditions or rituals to achieve it. It’s not about good works.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8
Faith in Christ is what saves us, by the grace of God. Nothing we can do could ever earn or make us deserve salvation. God sent Jesus Christ his holy son, the only holy man who has walked in flesh on earth, to die on the cross for our sins. His blood washes us and cleanses us. It is NOT by good works or a set of rules. Love for God because he loved me is why I try my very best to live my life according to his word, not because it’s a robotic system of do’s and dont’s. He didn’t mess up when he made us, he has loved us so much that instead of making beings who would worship him always he has given us free will to accept his love or reject him.
“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will eat with him, and he with me.” revelation 3:20
i agree 100% to wat u said revpepsi | reverend pepsi? lol sorry >.
I’m sorry pastor, but I don’t think you’re telling the truth. Which is not to say I don’t think you’re sincere–you may be sincere. But I think you’re lying. Feel free to tell me if I’m wrong, but here’s my reasoning:
“I don’t bully anyone to believe what I believe” is just something Christians say when they want to sound peaceful toward nonchristians. But when you’re in the “family,” so to speak? It’s a completely different matter. I don’t know if you have children, but I’m the grandson of a pastor, and my father is very religious, so I do know what it’s like to watch a religious person say a peaceful thing such as “I don’t bully…” and then tell his son the next minute, when the son says he believes differently, “As long as you’re in this family, you worship God.”
I also know enough about the church that messages of love and caring and good things are saved for missionary work and outreach, whereas it’s only once you’re actually Christian that you suddenly get told how horrible a sinner you are and how you have to spend your life repenting, and how even your doubts are evidence of your imperfection, and… well, the list goes on.
And meanwhile, this is all made possible because the religion is based on a holy book that says so very many things–moral, immoral, amoral, violent, peaceful, explicit–that one can pick any lesson one wants to convey and just select the appropriate bible verse for that Sunday’s sermon text. Anything that doesn’t fall into the “diplomatic message for outsiders” of peace and love and acceptance, or the “when-we-don’t-have-to-be-diplomatic message for insiders and select outsider groups” of eternal damnation and social condemnation, and just can’t be used for either of these specific tactics, gets ignored or brushed aside lightly. Certainly there will be no sermons on those verses.
Lastly, this one’s not to revpepsi but to the ones here who’ve said, “Read the New Testament,” as if it somehow undoes the damage of the old. Look at your Bible sometime. How many of the pages are New Testament? How long is the Old Testament? Let’s just be clear that when you attempt to disregard the Old Testament, you are already literally disregarding the majority of the Bible.
Where’s Malachi 2:3? you can’t make a list of “funny” bible verses without that
[...] - December 06, 2006 10 strange verses in the Bible I’ve read the entire Old and New Testament of the King James Bible and there are many versesthat were strikingly bizarre at first glance. A second glance only served to make them even more bizarre. In this list of 10 verses that are never preached on, I learned two things: one, different translations of the Bible can differ significantly, and two, I’m not the only one who found some of the verses extremely odd. [...]
Sadly enough, in my Christian days, I *did* hear some of these punishment verses preached on.
Scare the kids!
No funny list would be complete without Genesis 27:11, “And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man.”
Or how about this sage advice, “Men prepare a meal for enjoyment, and wine makes life merry, and (U)money is the answer to everything” (Ecclesiastes 10:19).
Lastly, all good Christians should boldly stand on the promises of God, “They who seek my life will be destroyed; they will go down to the depths of the earth. They will be given over to the sword and become food for jackals” (Psalm 63:9-10).
Good list, though.
Sorry but you have been busted “Dennis”,you completely changed around Psalm 63:9-10…it goes like this - Psalm 63:9-10 -But those who seek my life, to destroy it, Shall go into the lower parts of the earth. They shall fall by the sword; They shall be a portion for jackals.
Soo…..
Revelation 22:18-19 says, “For I testify unto everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book, if anyone adds to these things, God will add to him the plagues that are written in this book; And if anyone takes away from the words of this book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part from the Book of Life, and from the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.”
Zipporah cut off her son’s foreskin with a flint?
Wow! Now We know where Zippo came up with their corporate name?
Definitely, and also what the lid is good for
#7 doesn’t belong on this list - it has been preached tremendously since the 18th century. The story of Onan is the major (and very, very flawed) basis for the widespread Christian stance against masturbation.
i actually had #1 made into a bumper sticker years ago. along with one that said, “Abortions are a gift from science.” i got some funny looks from those. i think i need #3 on a sticker for my new car.
I have a friend who wrote a song about #10, “Go On, You Baldhead”. Catchy tune.
Top Ten Bizare …
…
your translation of Judges 3:21 is Horrible!
a better one (and one that jives with the multiple translations i have here, yay being a religious studies major):
“Ehud reached with his left hand, took the dagger from his right side, and plunged it into Eglon’s belly. 22 Even the handle went in after the blade. Eglon’s fat covered the blade because Ehud didn’t pull the dagger out. The blade stuck out in back. 23 Ehud left the room. (He had closed and locked the doors of the room before he left.) 24 After Ehud went out, Eglon’s advisers came in. They were surprised that the doors were locked. “He must be using the toilet,” they said.”
Not as funny when it’s correct, is it?
Still, loved 99% of them.
[...] This is funny stuff: Top Ten Verses Never Preached on at Church I would submit this as one of the most ridiculous verses in the Bible and quite possibly the worst advice anyone could give anybody: The young men who grew up with him spoke to him, saying, “Thus you shall say to this people who spoke to you, saying, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, now you make it lighter for us!’ But you shall speak to them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s loins ‘Whereas my father loaded you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke; my father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions!!!!!!!!!!’” muhahahahahahaha — 1 Kings 12:8-11 [...]
I get the feeling that #1 is actually saying woman shouldn’t hit guys in the junk….even to protect her husband.
Anyone else get this?
How can you love 99% of 10 things?
And Kelli, yeah, that’s what I read in it.
you can love 99% of 10 things… but the problem is that correcting the verse made it 9/10, or 90%
2 Kings 18:27
But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? [hath he] not [sent me] to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?
The same verse appears almost word for word in
Isaiah 36:12
But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words? [hath he] not [sent me] to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?
If anyone knows what the hell this is all about, could you drop a hint or two?
My favorite has always been 1 Timothy 2:15a
“But (women) shall be saved through childbearing.” Now THAT’S the kind of verse you can really start a cult around!
This one is funny too…
“And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” Hebrews 9:27
Oh, wait that isn’t funny…10 out of 10 people die…
As a Christian, if I am wrong, then I die and nothing happens…..if atheists are wrong (and they are), then eternity is a long time to be wrong…
“And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” Hebrews 9:27
“And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” Hebrews 9:27
“And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” Hebrews 9:27
“And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” Hebrews 9:27
“And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” Hebrews 9:27
“And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” Hebrews 9:27
“And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” Hebrews 9:27