Church Hopping

10. A Certain Man - 1 Kings 20:36

Then he said to him, “Because you have not obeyed the voice of the Lord, behold, as soon as you have gone from me, a lion shall strike you down.” And as soon as he had departed from him, a lion met him and struck him down.

Comments: At least he was warned, but how do you prepare for a lion attack?

9. Sisera - Judges 4:20-22

And he said to her, “Stand at the opening of the tent, and if any man comes and asks you, ‘Is anyone here?’ say, ‘No.’” But Jael the wife of Heber took a tent peg, and took a hammer in her hand. Then she went softly to him and drove the peg into his temple until it went down into the ground while he was lying fast asleep from weariness. So he died. And behold, as Barak was pursuing Sisera, Jael went out to meet him and said to him, “Come, and I will show you the man whom you are seeking.” So he went in to her tent, and there lay Sisera dead, with the tent peg in his temple.

Comments: I love that it says “So he died”. As if the old tent peg to the head has a high survival rate.

8. Jehoram - 2 Chronicles 21:18-19

And after all this the Lord struck him in his bowels with an incurable disease. In course of time, at the end of two years, his bowels came out because of the disease, and he died in great agony. His people made no fire in his honor, like the fires made for his fathers.

Comments: He had two years to repent. Talk about stubborn.

7. Jezebel - 2 Kings 9:33-35

He said, “Throw her down.” So they threw her down. And some of her blood spattered on the wall and on the horses, and they trampled on her. Then he went in and ate and drank. And he said, “See now to this cursed woman and bury her, for she is a king’s daughter.” But when they went to bury her, they found no more of her than the skull and the feet and the palms of her hands.

Comments: This is just morbid. No comments.

6. Uzzah - 2 Samuel 6:6-8

And when they came to the threshing floor of Nacon, Uzzah put out his hand to the ark of God and took hold of it, for the oxen stumbled. And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Uzzah, and God struck him down there because of his error, and he died there beside the ark of God.

Comments: Had he seen Raiders of the Lost Ark, he would have known this was coming.

5. Israelite and Midianite Woman - Numbers 25:7-8

When Phinehas the son of Eleazar, son of Aaron the priest, saw it, he rose and left the congregation and took a spear in his hand and went after the man of Israel into the chamber and pierced both of them, the man of Israel and the woman through her belly. Thus the plague on the people of Israel was stopped.

Comments: This is bad cause it seems that they were in the act of…you know. Also I hope my continued existence never causes a plague.

4. Abimilech - Judges 9:53-54

And a certain woman threw an upper millstone on Abimelech’s head and crushed his skull. Then he called quickly to the young man his armor-bearer and said to him, “Draw your sword and kill me, lest they say of me, ‘A woman killed him.’” And his young man thrust him through, and he died.

Comments: Unless it was one of those female American Gladiators.

3. Concubine - Judges 19:25-29

But the men would not listen to him. So the man seized his concubine and made her go out to them. And they knew her and abused her all night until the morning. And as the dawn began to break, they let her go. And as morning appeared, the woman came and fell down at the door of the man’s house where her master was, until it was light. And her master rose up in the morning, and when he opened the doors of the house and went out to go on his way, behold, there was his concubine lying at the door of the house, with her hands on the threshold. He said to her, “Get up, let us be going.” But there was no answer. Then he put her on the donkey, and the man rose up and went away to his home. And when he entered his house, he took a knife, and taking hold of his concubine he divided her, limb by limb, into twelve pieces, and sent her throughout all the territory of Israel.

Comments: When a person is insane as you clearly are, do you know that your insane?

2. Abel - Genesis 4:8

Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him.

Comments: Not that bizarre, but no one wants to be the very first.

1. Jesus - Matthew 27:50-54

And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit. And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. The tombs also were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised, and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many. When the centurion and those who were with him, keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and what took place, they were filled with awe and said, “Truly this was the Son of God!”

Comments: Not the brutality of the crucifixion, but the idea that the Trinity was separated for the first and only time ever.

Also read Top 5 Superheroes from the Bible