Church Hopping

At an elementary school here in Dallas, an eight year old submitted the following for a writing assignment. It is entitled “Thanks from Jesus” and you may have to decide where you think punctuation is required. I love the matter-of-fact writing, especially in the first sentence. My question is what do you do when you’ve hit rock bottom at only eight years old?

When i was 5 that was when my life went downhill. I woke up one day wanting to go to Six Flags I said man that Six Flags commercial was sure advertising. So i asked my dad if i could go he said ok. It took awhile to get there but when we did I won lots of prizes. When i got on one last ride going 10 miles per hour. But i hit my head on a pole connected to the ride. I had a blackout for 30 seconds. When I woke up people crowded around me. I didn’t know this many people cared about me. We don’t. Adam Sandler is lying beside you, said a person in the crowd. A few years passed and I was 6. My brother invited a friend over to play. We played on a gate moving back and forth. My hand got caught in the gate. I dropped my bowl of Chex mix. The glass shattered into a lot of pieces. Luckily I pressed the password to stop the gate from moving. I ran inside the house crying. What’s wrong with him? Asked my brothers friend. Beats me maybe the Chex mix was old, said my brother. I was rushed to the hospital. When I got out of the hospital it was bed time. In the morning I fell out of bed. When I went downstairs I fell down the stairs. I said I am not used to this house yet.

Since it was summer me and my family were going on vacation today. We were going to California. When we got there we settled in. Of course it was hard, when another family was there. My name is Rick mine is Tick mine is Dick and I’m Sick cough . said the family. Wrong room ours is next door. said my dad. This is a weird hotel. Said my mom. Even the name is weird what kind of name is the cuckoo hotel. Said mom. A weird one. Said the family. We finally unpacked. The next day we went scuba diving. We saw cool fish. My mom and dad and brother went up out of the water. A slow moving boat was coming. My parents swam out of the way. When I came out of the water the boat grazed me. I yelled in pain I hate California. When we got back it was my birthday. But nobody came. My dad said at least you get the clown the cake and the jumps house to yourself. Actually the deal was no party no clown. So pay five hundred thousand dollars. Said the clown. You made that same deal with me said the worker. At least you get the cake said mom. Actually I ate the cake while you were talking. Said my brother. The next day I fefll out of a 50 foot tree. My dad said you can go to bible study or the hospital. The hospital will cure me but bible study has snacks so bible study it is, when i came home I went to bed later i have lots of friends Mason Boyd Claire Michael Chris LeRoy Maggie Zara Cameron Taylor Brett Haven Ashley Charlotte Quinton and Bradley. My brother had a basketball game. I said I am bored can I go the game room. Sure here’s five dollars. When I ran out of money I went behind the games to look for money. When I crawled out I accidentally pushed the coin machine Dang it not pirates booty. I said. Then the coin machine fell on my shoulder. Some people came and lifted it up. The End.